Trump's younger brother hospitalized in New York and is reportedly 'very ill'

Stephen Colbert was tickled by Michael Cohen's surprise bombshell about working for President Trump, especially the part about the "golden showers in a sex club in Vegas," he said on Thursday's Late Show. "I'm sure Donald Trump would rather talk about his love life in the splash zone than how badly he has shanked the global pandemic," but he spent most of Wednesday evening's "coronavirus press briefing laser-focused on the pandemic threatening America: mail-in voting."

"Trump despises mail-in voting — and just regular voting, too — because he's way behind in the polls and he knows that, due to the pandemic, tens of millions of us will have to vote by mail," Colbert said. "So after three years spent damaging everything from international relationships to ethical norms to the Department of Justice, Trump's coming after something people actually care about: He's destroying the Post Office." Trump admitted as much, and confirmed his self-serving motive, in a Fox Business interview Thursday morning, he added. "You're not supposed to say the cheating part out loud!"

"I've never seen a villain give away a plan like that without seeing James Bond tied to a chair in front of him," Trevor Noah agreed on The Daily Show. "This is insane. Trump got impeached for trying to secretly rig the election, and his response" is to rig it out in the open? "If Trump gets his way, they're going to have to change all the 'I Voted' stickers to end in a question mark," he joked darkly. "I Voted?"

Yes, "he just admitted that he's not agreeing to a deal to fund the Postal Service because he doesn't want mail-in voting to be possible for the election," Jimmy Fallon recapped at The Tonight Show. "Trump's like one of those movie villains who spends so much time explaining his plan out loud that the good guy manages to shimmy out of his handcuffs." He actually spent most of his Fox Business interview "attacking different women," he added. "'Mad woman,' 'not smart,' and 'stone-cold crazy.' ... At this point, our best shot at getting Trump attacking COVID is someone telling him the virus ovulates."

"He called Kamala Harris a 'mad woman'?" James Corden asked on The Late Late Show. "In Trump's defense, it's probably hard for him to tell when women are really mad, given that this is how his wife smiles." Watch below. Peter Weber