“Oh, what an emotional roller coaster we’ve been on this week, folks,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday’s live Late Show, recapping the final night of the Republican National Convention. “We laughed, we cried, we threw up a little in our mouths. Now I didn’t watch any of last night’s convention — and I gotta say, that really was the highlight of the week — but tonight, I also did not watch most of it. I did watch Donald Trump — he is the president, and at this point, the entire Republican Party.”
Trump was introduced by Ivanka Trump, who correctly noted that the presidency hasn’t changed her unburdened father, Colbert said. “The last four years are like Trump is Dorian Gray and we’re the picture!” He showed Trump making “his grand entrance,” had some fun with Melania Trump’s “green-screen dress,” then ran through the speech.
Trump “spent most of the time taking pokes at his opponent,” though “improbably and inaccurately, Trump boasted about his record on fighting COVID,” too, Colbert said. “Trump had some weird praise for the American spirit,” and “he spoke in hushed and boring tones about America’s founders.” But “amid all the lies, he did get one thing right,” he said. “Americans are exhausted.” His look back at the RNC’s “four nights of bone-chilling nonsense” lingered on Donald Trump Jr.’s “lighting” problem and Spain.
The Daily Show took the liberty of making an RNC biopic extolling Trump’s amazing greatness, narrated by a deadpan Jeffrey Wright — though it stops in February, for some reason.
“Last night, the most exciting thing to happen was a speech by Mike Pence, a man so boring that during his midlife crisis he bought a minivan,” Trevor Noah said. “And part of what made Pence’s speech interesting was how he’s able to hide so much bulls–t under the veneer of a respectable small-town pastor. In fact, he actually made me appreciate Trump, because Trump says bulls–t in a bulls–t way that’s always easy to spot,” whereas “slick” Pence “doesn’t lie, he just implies.”
Pence attacked Joe Biden for not appreciating that a “miracle” will save America from COVID-19: a vaccine (probably). “God parting the Red Sea wouldn’t have been quite as miraculous if it happened eight months after the Egyptians stabbed all the Israelites to death,” Noah noted.
Tooning Out the News also mocked Pence’s miracle, with a special cameo. Watch below. Peter Weber